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Driving with Dipsticks: Bad drivers skewered in new column

Monday, December 16, 2013 - 9:54 am

I have been involved in newspapers for more than 30 years. One of the high spots was reading a weekly column written by a friend of mine, Charley Davis, in my hometown Herald.

That column chronicled the moronic actions of some of the dumbest motorists known to man, the drivers of our local area in central California. Charley wrote the column until Lilith, our overly buttoned-up publisher, had a terminal case of humor deprivation. I think her bun was too tight.

Living on the “left” coast in California for 43 years I thought I had seen it all. After all, there are so many terms coined about how people drive in the Golden State. You have your “California stops” for instance. A quick tap of the brake pedal and moving on!

When I first got to Indiana I was miffed that people would stop at an intersection and then drift out into the middle of it while the light was red! In my home state you would get a ticket for impeding pedestrian traffic once your car was in the crosswalk. So with this in mind, I must confess after seven years here in Indiana, there is way too much rich material to resist the need to inform the public about the ridiculous driving habits I see when I get behind the wheel.

I have been living on the “left” side of Indiana until recently when I moved to the right part of the state. So, I have put together some of my recent DWI (driving while idiotic) sightings from Lake County.

Fort Wayne, let's see if you can top these. Do you have better examples of stupidity? Case in point:

Dipstick No. 1. Driving south on the busiest street in Munster, just south of a railroad crossing. Traffic is backing up at a light and some idiot passes me by using the northbound left turn lane as an additional southbound passing lane. Yes, she crossed the double yellow line. I slammed on the brakes as she cut in front of me to avoid becoming a new Mercedes hood ornament for a Mack truck. I screamed, where (in the expletive) did you get your license? A raffle?

Wait, it's the first column, and I need to be calm, collected, nice. Am I losing my Zen?

Dipstick No. 2. This is my personal favorite. With the recent warm temps we had in October, I saw two morons on a rocket bike headed east on U.S. 30. They were weaving in and out of traffic at Mach 12.

What makes this totally unacceptable is that this moron is also attempting to rid the world of his hot girlfriend wearing short-shorts, a bikini top and flip-flops. No helmets, no protective clothing, no brains.

Dipstick No. 3. This happens everywhere, SUV making a left turn and of course it has dark tinted windows. There is a car making a left turn in the opposite direction. Up comes a wing-nut that is on his phone paying no attention. He passes the turning car on the right. Kah-blamm. Book him, Danno. DWS: Driving While Stupid! Two body shops will have work till Christmas. Timmy, there will be presents.

So who wins the Dipstick of the Week award? What's your vote? Would you like to nominate someone who desperately deserves it? Great! Have an intersection that irks you? Perfect. Is there a place where roadwork is needed?

Let's have some fun with this. I promise (wink), I'll go easy on them! Lastly, be careful out there; no one else is.

Ben Brickman is production manager for Fort Wayne Newspapers. Want to vent? Send it to dipsticks@news-sentinel.com. Include all the details you can think of. If your dip gets in the paper he'll give you the credit, or not. It's your call. He's also on Facebook.